Nearly 6 Months Postpartum

* This post will contain talk of womanly/motherly things. Read at your own discretion. Beneath the broken line, you are in the safe zone.*


I pulled out a big fat white hair from the center of my part the other day. Anaya was taking a bath at the time, and I told her she did it to me. She smiled quite big, proud of herself I am sure. I wish I could take it on gracefully, but as soon as I catch a few more, hair dye will be a must. I think I have some time yet.

Hair loss. Totally normal, and I happen to have a ton, so I don't really notice other than in the shower when I pull handfuls out. It is a bit crazy.

My tummy is still a bit loose. Standing up I look normal, and sometimes I think quite fab, not believing the pictures of the day before I had Anaya:


Woah.

Then I lean over and catch a glimpse of this weird sag, kinda like a bum? Yeah, if you've had a kiddo, you may know what I mean. I think it may have something to do with the muscle separation that occurs. Needless to say, it is absolutely horrifying, and sends me into a frantic mode of wanting to workout. Because it is usually not possible at the moment, I just tighten my tummy over and over thinking maybe it is doing some sort of muscle strengthening.

I have added spider veins. The sun is so unforgiving and when I wear shorts driving in the car I notice every one of those little buggers. Honestly, I know they could be a lot worse, however, when combined with the other things in this blog they can send a girl over the edge. Lamps are our friends ladies, why does anyone need overhead light? ;)

My stretch marks are getting smaller and no longer have any color, but as with the spider veins, if I get a glimpse in the sun it is depressing... my permanent little friends.

Boobs. I am still breastfeeding, so that affects things to be sure. One is bigger than the other because Anaya has always preferred one to the other, and I've never cared enough to do anything about it. I pump 1oz from one and 3oz from the other, so you can imagine the lopsidedness. I like to tell myself it isn't terribly noticeable, but then again, who is going to say anything? Thank you to the convenience of the nursing tank top, I constantly have a saggy uni-boob. I apologized to Jon the other day, but girls, bras, even nursing bras, are a pain when it comes to breastfeeding. The tank tops don't provide great support for the heavy milk laden boobs, but what can I say, I go for convenience. (If anyone has recommendations for the best nursing bra, I'm open. Maybe for the next one...)

Thanks to nursing pads I don't have to worry terribly about 'nipping'. Let me tell you though, after your nipples have been used for feeding, they are different. Perhaps never to return to normal. Honestly, I can't remember what mine looked like before, but I don't think it is like they do now. Ha! I fear post-breastfeeding will always require a heavy padded bra to help with 'nipping'. Veterans?

Okay, so there is the worst of it.
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The good side is that every morning I have my precious, and I mean precious, baby girl squirming and ready to see me. She squeals with delight and buries her face in my neck multiple times a day. When I'm lucky she finds something terribly funny and laughs a laugh for record books. When she is sleepy she'll rest her head on my shoulder and suck her thumb, and I find it hard to lay her in her bed; I want to soak it all up.

She is weeding out the ugliness that is still rooted in my core. I find myself more aware of my sins, quicker to repent. She is good for me, forcing that selfish egoist right out the door. I am sure there is enough in me to last her lifetime, and unfortunately at some point she'll notice and be able to remember. I only pray I am humble enough to repent publicly, lean on the Lord, and grow for her see.




Little life update

So this will be a Mommy blog about random current things in Anaya and my life.

Cloth diaper update: All is well, and it feels normal to me. During the couple days of the move I did all disposables, as I did not want to take dirty diapers along with me or have to do laundry the day after I got in. I am thankful I did that, but the funny thing is, I am always anxious to get her back in the cloth ones.

She has been waking up wet, which is ticking me off, so I may switch to disposables at night. Ideas anyone? We are in double inserts, and I don't really want to triple it up. I change her diaper between 6 and 7 when she goes to bed. I wake her up to feed her at 10, but she hardly opens her eyes, so I don't like changing her diaper then or I have a very awake baby. Anyways, I'm giving it another shot tonight, but washing jammies for everyday of the week is getting old, too.

Breastfeeding update: Breastfeeding is breastfeeding, eh? Every 3 hours (except sleep time), every day I am committed. I have found bottles aren't too much of a break, since I have to pump when I give a bottle. It can be super inconvenient when I'm out and about. I either have to pump early before I leave and not get a whole bottle, OR pump when I get home, usually later than she'd eat and worry about her next feeding being too small. Humph. We work it out, but let's just say breastfeeding is a full time commitment.

Anaya update: 5 months? Seriously? She is getting so interactive. She chats all the time with her little noises, responds to funny things, is ticklish, tries to grab everything in reach, figured out how to jump in her jumper (you should see her go), if she is close enough she wants to drink and eat whatever we have, rolls both ways, sits for minutes at a time, grabs her toys all around her, can pass things from hand to hand, chews everything, and that's just some of it!



I store up little moments in my heart, like when we snuggle and giggle on the couch, or when we read and talk about how much the Lord loves her, while lying on the floor together. I want to guard and cherish these fleeting moments.



I think we'll start some oatmeal cereal soon, when life slows down... maybe next week? I am sure she is ready. I am also going to get her a little sippy cup and see how she likes it.



Mommy update: I am really enjoying my precious girl and adore being her Mommy. Some days I feel like we've got it down, and I get lots accomplished, while other days I feel like all I can do it keep her happy and clean while my list of "to-dos" piles up. Some days I get a nice dinner made, maybe a dessert, other days it is a grilled cheese night. It all part of this beautiful messy life, and it is good. Even the off-days.

And there are off days... like when Anaya wakes up from her nap, sees me and starts crying. I pick her up and she cries. I put her back in the crib and she screams. Like when she is fussy doing everything, so I tell her fussy girls don't get to stay awake and I put her in her bed. (She cries a bit, but usually falls asleep. Can I do that when I am fussy? I wish!) Or when we are at the hospital and I cannot get her to stop crying every time someone talks to her... yeah, those are short ministry days.

Jon is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. He helps out whenever I need him without complaint. We definitely co-parent, and I feel like we are such a good team; I cannot imagine raising Anaya without him!

Layne time - I have a woman's Bible study group here on Thursday mornings and most weeks Jon can keep Anaya. I cannot tell you how filled up I get during that little break with the ladies; drinking some coffee, eating something sweet, and talking about the Lord. I need a little time to feel like Layne, not Mommy. I put on a non-breastfeeding friendly top, get my hair all done, and some make-up on. It's nice.

Tuesday afternoons I also do my ministry alone in Dermatology, while Jon keeps Anaya. That is my chance to pour out and focus solely on the ladies. Anaya goes with me to Oncology on another day of the week, and we minister together, but it isn't quite the same, as my responsibilities are torn.

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So that's life right now. We moved. It's been a lot of work. There is still a lot of work. This house is so much better for us in so many ways... and cheaper. I was felt so blessed walking around today. The Lord has been gracious to us once again.

Move Week

We're moving this weekend.

Lots of packing, painting, unloading...

Added things to make the week more enjoyable:

  • Anaya's 3 nights of waking up 3-4 times = super tired Mommy
  • It is that time of the month = less patient Mommy
  • We are having to apply for our visas again (hours @ immigration) = inconvenient
  • I'll throw in breastfeeding just because. HA! I have really wanted a little break this week, but even when you give them a bottle you have to pump... no breaks allowed!

Lord, help me be nice and then rest.
Amen.

Just so you know...

I think too many people think too highly of my mommy-hood on the go & our travels, so I thought I'd give a little peek into the other side of vacations... the side we choose to forget and not take pictures of.

Like when we realized we forgot the pump to the air mattress.

OR when the space heater we bought actually turned out to be as bright as the sun, because we're cheap and went for the one on sale... and yeah, I happen to be someone who prefers pitch dark. That night, still freezing my tooshie off on the hard ground in the bright tent worrying about my daughter's freezing hands I growled about how we should have bought the expensive heater, and we would never camp in the winter again.

OR when Jon made a lot of noise coming the tent with the velcro and zipper, and Anaya woke up, and I almost killed him... seriously needed some self-control.

OR when Anaya cried at 3 in the morning in the perfect stillness of the night and we had camping 'neighbors' in tents nearby. (I couldn't whip my boob out fast enough to get her to calm down! Ha!)

OR when Jon was haggling with the cashew vendor across the street and Anaya decides to scream because the car isn't moving, and I had to use every bit of restraint not to roll the window down and tear Jon's head off, ready to throw any amount of money at the cashew vendor that he wants... yeah any amount.

I could go on, but you get the point. (Notice the trend here too... it's always me who is the one 'losing it'. My hubby is so patient and calm; he is perfect for me!)

What I've realized is: Anaya always does better than I expect. We always have more good moments than bad. We always make memories to last a lifetime.

It is worth it.

Update! Pics!

It's been awhile...

So we've had lots of visitors, making my blogging a bit inconsistent. I hope to find some normalcy in the near future, however, it will not come until I'm all settled into my new home (rented). If you remember last time though, I like to kill myself and get it all done super fast. So be prepared for lots of pics and updates. =)

While we had a team here, my schedule was a little more hectic than usual, as was my house, so I guess my body reacted. My milk supply dipped a bit, and I was a little concerned. I pumped as much as I could to encourage more supply; not fun! Once life slowed down though, the milk came back. We were on a 4 hour schedule, but we are back to 3 hour, as I felt she wasn't gaining like I would like her to. Now when I pick her up from the crib... phew! Maybe we'll go back to 4 hours sometime, but for now she is a happy guzzler.

Diapers are still going well. Every now and again she wakes up a bit damp. Not my favorite, but not horrible. She is already in double inserts... guess I could triple or put on a liner. We'll see if it becomes more consistent. With my 24 diapers I've learned I can easily wait two days between washing, especially if I used my dryer all the time, which I rarely do.

Can't believe my little babe is almost 5 months! It is going to be food time before I know it, and in all honesty I am dreading it. She is so easy and on the go right now. Oh well, we'll routine it up and it'll become the norm.



We went camping and rock climbing! I was a bit nervous, but turns out it was for no good reason. It was Anaya's second time sleeping in the tent, and she did okay. It was in the 30's at night, which made it difficult. We bought a space heater, which turned out to be a little comical; it was SO bright it was like a light was on! It helped, but it was still very cold. Anaya is a thumb sucker, so it is difficult to cover her hands. =/ Other than that, Anaya loves the outdoors and is happiest there. She chilled on our backs while we belayed each other on the wall. I did climb with her once on a real easy climb, mainly because it was easier than the trail out of canyon. Anaya snored the whole time. Ha! She'll be my adventure girl.







We spent the 4th low key with some friends eating chili, potato salad, coleslaw, and apple pie. Yum! Anaya was supportin' with her precious onesie!



I've got more stuff to update on... spiritual stuff, emotional stuff, etc. Stay tuned!

It is Just Stuff... Right?

Perhaps it is because I was without "stuff" for so long... or maybe that's just an excuse?

You see Jon and I were in transition for quite awhile before and after getting married. We were either traveling or planning to travel, which meant I could only keep more or less 3 suitcases worth of stuff. Because that was nearly impossible, I still have some plastic tubs of things in AZ and a few things in Corpus to be sifted through. Still, I have vivid memories of sitting on my floor crying over my Steve Madden high heels that I got SO cheap that I would have to give away, and not only those, a pile of 'steals' that no longer accompany me to my home overseas. Or precious books that weighed too much.

When we got married, I didn't get to use the cool scanner and pick out towels, sheets, and dishes. Instead, we got a trip around the world, which might I add, I do not regret one single bit. Still, the fact of the matter was that I hadn't gotten my own stuff. We lived in gracious peoples' homes using gracious peoples' things.

Last year on our way from Angola to Mozambique we knew we were going to settle in, so that meant it was my turn. I was going to pick my very own stuff and have my very own style. Boy was I excited. How fun it was to go through the stores and find stuff that was so me.

There wasn't any problem with this. We found reasonable things and tried to make wise decisions about needs vs. wants. And I got a few of my wants; they aren't always bad.

Fast forward a few months...

My polka dot coffee mug that belongs to my set of six got broke. Did you catch that? It belonged to my set of six. That meant that my set of six was now ruined. Were they expensive mugs? Nope. But they were my only mugs! I was crushed. I went upstairs, laid in my bed, and I cried. I knew I was being silly, but that didn't ease my disappointment. (A month or so later we actually found a replacement, though a little dinged up, there was 1 left in the store in South Africa. My set of six has been restored.)

Right before Thanksgiving a plate that belonged to my set of eight got broke in the sink. Again, I was crushed. Jon encouraged me that we could use a little ceramic glue and fix it. I was appeased, and the plate still is used in our stack.

Two days ago a bowl in my set of eight got broken... too broken for ceramic glue. I tried to hold it together, to tell myself it is only stuff and not worth crying about. I succeeded, though I had many a thought of going to my bed and crying for the rest of the afternoon, though a 4 month old keeps that from being completely possible.

So here I am today, processing this little problem I have, this problem with stuff. It is just stuff. Having only 7 glass bowls is not terrible. If my sets are incomplete, it is OK. Fact of the matter is, I can get more stuff if I need it. I am realizing I need to loosen my little heart strings a bit to my stuff that is so me. It is a truth we know somewhere deep inside, and yet when faced with losing that silly stuff we are faced with the truth of where our hearts really are.

Random Stuff


Mommy-hood is the best.

I love having the privilege of getting to know Anaya!


Anaya enjoys her jumperoo now! Since this pic, I've put a pillow under her feet so she can reach, and boy does she get going. I thought I'd post a pic of me in my 'Johnny Jump-up'; thanks to my Mom for finding it! They have changed just a bit over the years, don't ya think?


Cutie pa-tootie cooing in delight. (Plus a Dad pic! Heather - this is for you!)


My slobbery girl. Everything goes in the mouth! Licking is her new way of exploring. Oh boy! Bibs here we come!


Beach time in the sand. I love giving her opportunities to experience new things. So much to see and do.

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Have I bragged on here about my Baby K'tan? I love it and so does Anaya. Super comfy and easy-peasy to use. It has made my ministry at the hospital, so much more feasible.


And not only ministry... eating out too! =)


Daddy baby-wears as well, and now she is big enough for a new position!

Seriously, this is the best carrier! Get one!
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Anaya now knows both sets of grandparents!
We are so blessed to have had them come so far to see us.
Thank you Gee and Pa and Nana and Papa!
We cannot wait to spend the holidays with ya'll!