My Life as an African Gypsy

*Warning - Womanly topics without a filter. Read at your own discretion.*

12 days postpartum

Breastfeeding - 

I had hopes that only stopping Anaya four months ago would mean great ease for me, yet the nipples protested. Scabs. Yep, just like with Anaya, a little blood and scabbing and many wincing faces as Jovie would latch, and then relief could come. We endured and today, day 12, I am nearly scab and pain free.

Now for a quick side story -

     Last week I was up in the night for a breastfeeding session. Jovie had pooped, so I wanted to change her in between sides to help keep her awake and get a full feeding in.While laying on her back, she spit up just a bit, and when I wiped her mouth, there was a little blood. As you could imagine, I panicked for a split second wondering why in the world she could be bleeding from her mouth. Perhaps internal bleeding??? AH! Then I looked down and realized it was just from my boob. Gross. Scary though...

In other news, thanks to breastfeeding, I have lost 15-16lbs of my pregnancy weight and have 10 to go, which if it happens like Anaya, will come off on its own over the next month or so. Not to mention I have been snacking, snacking, snacking. If I would watch what I ate at all, I think I'd be pleased with the results. I can be back into all my jeans, I just don't enjoy the tight feeling in the waist or the potential muffin top every time I sit, so I may wait on some of those. My mom and I teased about the incredible shrinking tummy, as each morning I could wake up and visibly notice the flatting of the preggo bulge. How nice that we were created to still look pregnant after having the baby?? Horrible! I told the Lord... Anyways, it is close to flat now, and just in need of toning, which I hope to jump on after my 6wk release from the doc. For now I try to avoid looking at my tummy anytime I lean over, just depressing.

Also, so far, no engorgement or crazy leaking. It may come, but we'll see. For now I can avoid the shower shuffle. Once Jovie gets on her own schedule, I'll probably start pumping, and that will bring it's own adventures.

Ways it is nice to be a 2nd time breastfeeding mom - I am a pro at layin' Jovie on the boppy and having 2 hands while breastfeeding. I eat dinner, read to Anaya, type easily. It's all about multitasking, I tell ya! I got super sick the other night and even brestfed while barfing into a bucket. (That wasn't nice, but it was nice to know it was possible. Mom's don't get breaks! Especially breastfeeding Mamas.) I breastfeed comfortably and easily in public with my cover; I can even do it on the move if I have to! And whether it is good or not, boobs have lost their mystery to me, and I will not be mortified if I accidentally flash someone switching sides. (Mind you, I definitely try all I can not to.) I just remember being super self conscious with Anaya. After a whole year of breastfeeding Anaya, it is second nature to me now!

Uterine cramps -

I hadn't forgotten. They were as bad as ever. I think they lasted 3-4 days. Because they were longer than 30 seconds, I would argue they might have been worse than my labor contractions, and when your holding your newborn baby and trying not to squeeze the tar out of her while she eats... yeah, difficult! They do end though, and I kept telling myself that was how I was going to get skinny again; my soccer ball in the belly needed to shrink!

Bleeding and Stitches -

I am blessed when it comes to postpartum bleeding. I do not bleed heavy or long. So, at 12 days postpartum, I am about done and wear something only for peace of mind. Stitches aren't the nicest that first week. Wiping is tricky and is more like careful dabbing, and they sometimes like to get caught on that lovely pad you have to wear. Ouch! As you heal, they sometimes feel a little stingy and itchy, so because of where they are located it is just extra uncomfortable. 12 days postpartum, I feel fairly normal and pain free down there, and remind myself the strange bump of skin that was put back together does go back to feeling smooth down the road... not to worry.

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So there are a few of the tough things, but it being baby #2 makes the transition through these things so much easier. I know I can and will get back to myself soon. With Anaya I seriously doubted it was ever possible, though delivery and recovery had been much harder. This time I don't wonder or worry, in fact,  I know it's right around the corner. 

Friday morning, June 15th.

The induction had been set. For personal reasons and concerns, we decided that if Jovie hadn't made her grand entrance by 39 weeks, we wanted to induce labor. My experience with Anaya had been a good enough one, except for the pushing and trauma involved there, so we were comfortable and at peace with repeating the process, and praying for an easier transition period/delivery.

On June 15th I was 39wks + 1day. My doctor had been traveling for the previous 10 days, and I was relieved she would be the one to deliver my little Jovie. (Remember I live in Mozambique, Africa, a 3rd world country. There are plenty of competent doctors, but I find it difficult, personally, to trust 'the doctor on call'.)

We did not have an appointment set, but were to be worked in, so we decided to arrive at the doctor between 8 and 8:30am, knowing my doctor usually arrives between 9 and 9:30am. If we were the first in the waiting room, and if our doctor saw us as she walked into her office, we knew we'd get in a little faster. Sure enough, as soon as she walked in we were able to go in her office and chat with her. She rubbed my belly with a broad smile and said, "She waited for me!" She jotted in our chart to do the induction and then sent us over to the maternity ward to have the heart rate monitored and the cervix softener placed.

Jovie was healthy and the process was ready. It was 9:45am when the nurse placed the cervix softener. I had not dilated any, but was soft. This was a little discouraging to me, as I was 3cm when we induced with Anaya. I had hope of delivering before dinner, as I had done with Anaya, but the pill was being placed later and now I wasn't even dilated. Boo! They have you stay laying down for 10-15 minutes to keep the pill in place, and then we opted to go home to wait and begin labor. If nothing had happened by 4pm, they said we could place another pill. I would want to come back anyway to check Jovie's heart. With the hospital being, 35-45 minutes from our house without traffic we would have to leave our house to return at 3:15pm or so.

On the way home we stopped at a grocery store to do a junk food run for both me and my mom, who would be staying home with Anaya. Popcorn, cookies, gummie bears, pringles... I thought I was feeling a tad crampy, but figured it was more from the cervix check than anything. We got home and not much was happening. We ate lunch and hung out a bit. I still felt a little crampy, but was getting more and more discouraged, thinking we'd have to return at 4 for another pill, and then maybe get stuck laboring the whole time at the hospital.

I decided to take my exercise ball into my room, as Anaya would not permit me bouncing on it without her joining or switching off, and try to encourage some action. With Anaya I liked to place my knees on the floor and drape my body over the top, belly hanging, and rock a bit side to side. (That is what I was doing when my water broke with Anaya.) Jon joined me in the room and we turned on some Chris Tomlin worship music. I bounced a bit on top of the ball, and then would trade off to my knees. Around 1:30pm I felt a small gush of fluid. It was small, but I knew something was happening. Still, no contractions. Around maybe 2pm I had another little gush.

I was still feeling discouraged as we looked at the clock, knowing we maybe have to return to the hospital without being in full on labor, and I knew at this point they'd probably keep me. The contraction began, but they were very short and not hard. I was not needing to breathe or pace through them, so they were not even worth monitoring, to me. I felt like they were frequent , but not very productive. I finally told Jon, maybe I should go outside with my Mom and Anaya to distract me and walk a bit. Immediately the contractions had more intensity. I came into update Jon, but I still was not wanting to monitor anything as I was able to chit chat through contractions. It was about 2:30. We had started to load the car to be ready to leave. My mom laughed as I was loading my own car, but the contraction really felt light, and I figured continuing with life as normal was better. Jon suggested we time a couple contractions for the heck of it. They were only 30 seconds, but coming about 1 minute apart. We decided we should go ahead and go, to be safe and not risk a terribly miserable trip in the car; it was 3pm.

The car ride was uneventful, and I managed my contractions easily. They seemed to slow a bit while sitting in the car. We calmly arrived to the hospital. Jon was a tad embarrassed to carry my HUGE exercise ball through the entire hospital,  but he is a rockstar husband and didn't complain. (It didn't even fit in through the door! He had to hit it, as it popped through. Ha!)

We got set up in the room, and I then I got a glimpse of Jon... he didn't look so well. I asked if he was okay, and he said something like, "It isn't about me." That meant he wasn't doing good. He looked sweaty and pale, and I was confused. He went into the bathroom, and it was confirmed... not well. Vomiting and diarrhea. Great timing. Not something he could help though, obviously.

My doctor was wrapping up a delivery, so the nurse said she'd be by in a bit and check me herself. We waited, contractions stayed about the same, 30 seconds, hurting, but I could sing through them, so I was convinced they were not super effective yet. I would walked and sway to the music in between each contraction and then hop up onto the bed on my hands and knees during each contraction, as it seemed the most comfortable.

My doctor came in at around 4:40pm to check me. I was 5cm, and my doctor asked if she could break my water. I agreed, and she was able to do so quickly without the help of instruments. I knew labor would pick up, and my doctor jokingly said as she walked out the door, "Don't freak out." Perhaps she was envisioning the beastly actions of before.

Jon continued to need the bathroom. I could tell he was frustrated and upset that it was happening. In between contractions I'd ask how he was doing, and he'd always respond along the lines of , "This isn't about me, you focus." Since I was managing so well, I figured I might as well check on him; I'd remind him there wasn't anything we could do about it and it was just happening, like it or not... we'd be fine.

My doctor came back in around 5pm. I told her I was beginning to have the "poop feeling", but this time I knew it was the baby's head. Her response: "Already?! We might be ready to push." She noticed, and we explained Jon's current situation, so she got him a shot organized to try and stop the vomiting. As Jon was getting that shot, my doctor rubbed my back and chatted through contractions; she is pretty much the best. =) She commented on how the contractions were right on top of each other, and I laughed about how nice it was to have a whole minute or so in between! With Anaya, it was like one big contraction, no normal talking or breathing from  7cm-10cm and then throughout pushing.

She decided to check me again, as every contraction brought on the 'poop feeling'. With the contractions so close together, I did not want to catch one on my back, so as I laid down I felt one coming, and flipped quickly on my hands and knees and asked to wait. 30 seconds later, I quickly flipped back over and begged her to hurry. Who can labor on their back? It is awful! I was about an 8, and it was determined we should move to the delivery room. Thankfully it was a short walk within the ward this time... no riding elevators and walking through waiting rooms. I labored through one more contraction in the room and then sped walked to the delivery, not wanting to catch a contraction on the way. Jon dizzily followed.

I wanted to pee before pushing, so I ran into the bathroom and did so. There was the delivery table in the middle of the room and a hospital bed against the wall. A contraction had started, so I asked if I could hop up on the bed, as of course I could. My doctor wanted to put in a IV port quickly and give me a little sugar push for energy, as pushing was difficult last time. I was fine with it.

It was time to get on the delivery table. I felt it was laying too far back, so asked if it could be raised. It couldn't. My doctor quickly arranged for them to bring me pillows to help me feel propped up. At this time I was on my hands and knees whining, "I don't want to do this!" "I remember this feeling!" "I hate this feeling!" "You're just going to have to pull it out!" "I don't want to this!" My doctor was laughing and telling me I was just going to have to, and I indeed could do it. (I had a picture before I pushed with Anaya, so I wanted one for Jovie, too. I think my doctor thinks I am crazy. Ha!)



I laid back and she urged me to push with the next contraction. As I did she encouraged me the head was right there, and to keep pushing. I thought (as I later found out Jon did, too) that she was lying to encourage my good pushing. I pushed hard and let out a big scream at the end. While we waited for the next contraction, I was still in quite a bit of pain, saying I was done and wanted to quit. Then my doctor firmly told me to push, and I did. My eyes were shut and I could hear other voices saying, "Don't stop! The head is right here! Don't stop!" (It was the pediatrician.) I couldn't continue, so I stopped for a bit. I can't remember well, but one or two pushes later, there she was! I felt the head out, I heard my doctor say, "Now stop!" and out she came and was suddenly on my chest.

Jon tells me he was a little confused. We both expected it to be longer and harder and for me to lose control a bit more, so when Jovie was put on my chest, he first thought she was a towel or something. Even I was taken aback! She's here! Already! Relief.

It was 5:25pm.



"She's okay?" I asked. "She's just fine," my doctor assured. She prepped the umbilical cord, and Jon came over to cut. Jon, still feeling awful, stood a little dazed next to me. I reminded him to go get a video and take pictures, and he did so without missing a beat.

My doctor delivered the placenta, and we laughed about it looking like a jelly fish. I had torn some, so we prepped for stitches. She gave my the local deadening shots and got to work. I am not sure how many I got. I believe only one on the outside and multiple on the inside; it took awhile. I appreciate my doctor's perfectionism, however, and the pride she takes in her work. She makes sure everything will get back to normal, and that is appreciated.

Jon came and went during this period, as he needed. Jovie had come out quickly, so she needed a bit of oxygen. She cried more than Anaya, which was actually reassuring. When my doctor finished and they were changing and cleaning me up, she went to see Jovie. She took off the mask and decided she looked ready to eat. They brought her to me and she was able to breastfeed for the first time, right there on the delivery table. She latched like a champ.



Then the nurses were ready to put clothes and a diaper on her, and it was time for me to head to my room. Jon was already in there, so I left Jovie and they brought her to me minutes later. I didn't want to leave her, but told myself she'd be fine, and the ward was so small and quiet, I could hear her the whole time.

I got set up in bed, and Jon laid on the bed next to me, pale and exhausted; I couldn't believe that had happened to him when it did. Seriously? The timing! Jovie arrived quickly and I got to snuggle her and look good and long at her precious face. She looked very different, to me, than Anaya, and I was taking it all in. She breastfed some more. I began to feel hungry and eyeballed the bag of gummy bears across the room. I didn't want to disturb my sick, nearly asleep husband, but I couldn't get up, and oh how those gummy bears looked good. I would look at Jon, then look at the gummy bears. Look at Jon. Look at gummy bears. "Honey??" I whispered, "Can you get me those gummy bears?" Without hesitation he hopped up, stumbled to the chair, and stumbled back to me with the bag of gummy bears, assuring me it was no problem, though I could see the effort it had taken. He fell back into bed, and I began ravenously eating my gummy bears, surely making more noise with the bag than necessary. Ahhh.

Jon had called my sweet friend Amy when Jovie was born, and she was going to run my mom and Anaya by the hospital so they could meet Jovie. (I say "run them by"... it was a long drive during traffic, so a labor of love for sure on Amy's part. So very appreciated.) Before their arrival Jon and I chatted and decided he shouldn't stay the night. He wouldn't be a help, and inside I knew I'd only be irritated with him. We thought through our options. Maybe my mom could stay with me and Jon could take Anaya, as Anaya would go to bed as soon as they got home. We weren't sure, however, Jon would be able to drive all the way home, or that he'd be well enough in the morning to care for Anaya on his own. Anaya could go to Amy's, but she'd didn't have any clothes or diapers, and she already had been a little out of sorts throughout the day, and I'd only worry if she was okay. She has attached herself to my mom, Gee, and I knew I wouldn't give a second thought to her happiness if she could stay with her. (HUGE blessing she was/is here.) We decided Amy would take everyone home, including Jon, and I'd stay alone for the night.



When my Mom, Anaya, and Amy arrived, Anaya was so sleepy. She had a look at Jovie, but was not too interested. On the other hand, she took quick note of the hospital blanket covered in teddy bears. She loves teddies. My Mom didn't even get the chance to hold Jovie, as she kept Anaya, but she did get a good look. Jon was still struggling so they left nearly as quickly as they came. We snapped a quick 'family of 4' photo, and Jon put on a smile. I cried a bit as they left, feeling sorry for myself, though I was able to pull it together quickly.



I put Jovie in her bassinet, and decided to go to the bathroom and change clothes. I was amazed that I could without too much pain. Obviously I was sore, but I could tell instantly that I was so much better off than with Anaya. Not too long after, Jovie passed her first poop. I changed her diaper, and she hardly fussed. The night was easy, and I got more rest than I expected. Jovie was a dream.

The next morning Jon had our other dear friend Ian come and get him to bring him to me. As I waited the nurses came to clean the umbilical cord and give Jovie a sponge bath, two things I refused for Anaya, but I guess I am already a little more laid back with the second baby. I oversaw everything, but was happy to have someone else do it. The nurses at this hospital had been amazing so far, and I had a lot more confidence in them, than the nurses at the hospital where I delivered Anaya.

The pediatrician came by around 9:30-10am and discharged Jovie, and it was not much later my doctor came by to discharge me. After incredibly slow paper work, we were discharged and arrived home at about 1pm.

Adjustment has been easy. My mom has been more than a blessing, helping with cooking and cleaning, and especially giving the extra attention for Anaya. Jovie is the sweetest, easiest, most contented newborn I've known. She sleeps and eats well and is already falling into a great feeding schedule. Things may change some in the weeks to come, but I am positive she is nothing but a joy to our family.

Jovie Fé, your name is perfect, as are you. Welcome to our family! You are so very loved.

Belly wise  I feel like I am quite similar; I am actually right at the same weight. Biggest difference for me is that I'm not swollen this go around! Praise the Lord! I think the time of year probably has a lot to do with it, as it is "winter" this time. (If you can call 80-90 degrees winter!) I am still wearing my wedding ring on the correct finger, and I see in this pic above, my wedding ring was already on my pinky finger with Anaya.

Jovie is growing well and according to estimates (+/- 1lb), she is right around the same size as her sister, who was born at 8lbs 4oz. This go around, I won't be sharing as much of my birthing plans as I did last time. You guys will surely know when my precious girl is here, as I am a picture fanatic, especially of those first days, and I'm sure I'll blab all about the choices we made along the way, however, I have learned how unpredictable things can be and personally am going in much more relaxed than with my first.

My mom arrives on June 5th! That is TEN days away. I am thrilled, to say the least.

I do have one prayer request. Our ultrasound on Thursday showed that Jovie's bladder was on the large side. It could have just been very full, and she just needed empty it (pee), or it could be a sign of a problem. My doctor was not terribly concerned and asked that I would not worry at all, but it is her job to be precautionary. We will take a look at it this Wednesday with another ultrasound, when we would have monitored her heart-rate anyway. Pray with me that it resolves itself, and we can end this pregnancy with no complications, as I have been blessed with thus far.

I made it! 11 nights and 12 days.

To some of you, it sounds silly, inexperienced, naive, young., etc. for it to be as difficult and dreaded as it was. To me I say it is a sign of a good marriage. I pray I never become accustomed to my husband's absence, whether it be for one day or one year.(To be honest, those first few can be the hardest!) Jon and I are partners in this life, and that means any life done without him is going to feel off. 

I think I dealt with a little depression before Jon left, so I've concluded that I was really feeling exhausted, but maybe it wasn't my pregnancy. Because I was so exhausted, I think I wasn't giving Anaya quite the attention she needed/wanted so her behavior had not been enjoyable the weeks prior to Jon's travel either. I had envisioned us wanting to kill each other after so much time together, as she usually enjoys when she can switch to Daddy time.

Once Jon left, I think I accepted it because, hello, I had to. =) I had plenty of energy and my attentions turned to my Anaya girl. We had sweet times together, which I am thankful for before our little Jovie joins us. Her behavior was unprecedented, even with a tooth emerging. We were rather scheduled about things, and I took the opportunity to implement a few news things into our routine... like helping me clean up! It was a fun week and a half for Jon to be gone, because it was the time her vocabulary decided to sky rocket. She has started saying SO many new words. She really was a dream child. We even went to the hospital multiple times, and she was more patient than usual, having to go to so many rooms before playing outside.

It was after Anaya went to bed at 7pm that things became a little more difficult for me. The house is awfully quiet alone, and sleep in our bed alone did not come easily. I found myself up until midnight nearly every night, and then up every hour or two after that. I watched some movies, crafted, read my Bible... still it was long.

Cross continent distance is a little different, too. 9 hour time difference is a bit hard to deal with when it comes to chatting. It's a "goodnight" - "goodmorning" sort of thing. Not to mention that you cannot just pick up your cell and give a quick call or text, though I am thankful people were so generous with Jon in the States, so he could have one most of the time and Skype is available on all these fancy smart phones. (We are very behind on the times here. You should see my brick phone.)

I did end up with the deep feeling like this is our home. I thought a lot about it, for instance, if something happened to Jon, what would Anaya and I (and soon-to-be Jovie) do. This was my first time alone in Mozambique. It is impossible to say for sure or make those decisions outside of the circumstance, however, I did have a peace in my heart that this house, Maputo, my friends, the hospital... all of it is home. And that is good.

Jon is home now. This wife is very happy. I nearly exploded before I heard the arrival of his car outside our gate. Anaya and I had been playing outside for about 2 hours previous. It is hard to prep a 1 year old for such emotions. I think it was all a little much for her. She was definitely happy to see Daddy, and now, a day after he's been home, she is back to begging for his lap.

Now only a couple of weeks until we are a family of 4! My mom arrives in less than 2 wks. Excitement is the new name of the game. =)

It isn't surprising you notice all of the things your spouse does when they suddenly aren't there. Like picking up the dog poop, taking the trash out on trash day, charging your phone for you, changing the light bulbs, anything and everything electronic, making sure they put out the furnance next door so you don't smell burnt plastic all night long in the bedrooms, does a walk around the house when Gasher barks a lot in the night, etc. Those are just some of the "dos".

That doesn't even touch the huge ways he helps with Anaya, especially lately with me being so far along pregnant. I have had to miss all my Bible studies. We've made it to the hospital like normal but the first time we lasted 30 minutes and the second time 40 minutes. Anaya has had to get used to Mommy doing dishes before bath time. I don't have the sleep in option. And I could go on and on.

Then there are just the comfort habits you make as a married couple... like the way you fall asleep at night. We have bit of routine, and it just desn't work alone. I try watching a show on the computer, but I don't fall asleep the way I do when he is next to me. I've been up until 11 and 12 on a regular basis! The positioning of the pillows just so. Having someone to back up to and never fail grab my bum. ;)

Finally there are the things that typically are a little irritating, but you want back as soon as they are gone. Like the way he drinks nearly a whole pitcher of tea the very day I make it. It has lasted so long this time. Or the way he uses clothes once and then puts them in the dirty clothes. The bin currently has 2 things in it. The cups left around the house. I do it, too, there are just noticeably less right now!

So yeah, Jon lack of prescence around the house is missed greatly. Tuesday couldn't come fast enough!

So thankfully I seem to have transitioned quickly out of my funk. =)

Last night I enjoyed a date night with Jon, while Anaya stayed with some dear friends. We hadn't been on a date in about 5 months. Crazy! Anaya goes to bed so early (about 7pm) that we have lots of time just the two of us, and just never even noticed the lack of date nights. Needless to say, it was fun to get a little dressed up and splurge on a nicer restaurant. The last time we went to this particular restaurant, I happened to be 39 weeks pregnant with Anaya, which made it fun for reminiscing.

Jon and I have been trying to finish up some projects before Jovie's arrival. Jon made some frames and hung some rice/flour sacks in my kitchen, as well as made a cool pintrest inspired frame for my hallway. I feel like hallways are for family photos, but having concrete walls makes it a little difficult to hang a bunch of individual photos. I'll post some pics soon.

Jon also ran to South Africa and bought us a new washing machine. This Mama is super happy. Our previous washer had been giving us some trouble for the last year, and we kept hoping it would work itself out so we wouldn't have to spend the money, but after days of it not wanting to start, we decided it was time. Prices are so much in South Africa that it is worth the drive. On top of getting a new washer, Jon moved my washer from our detached laundry room to my veranda, right outside my front door! It is super convenient! I feel like I've been washing all day everyday in celebration! Sheets! Towels! Slip covers! Clothes!

I finally finished my bedroom curtains! Before, I would have pounded it out in one night, staying up late. Now... well it took me a little while, but nonetheless, they are done. It feels good for my curtains to match my walls, and I put black-out fabric on them, so our room is nice and dark. I love dark rooms for sleeping! I have also been sorting Anaya's old clothes, getting the 0-3month ones put into Jovie's little dresser.

I've started thinking through a hospital bag. I think I'll try and get that done before Jon leaves on Friday. Talking with a friend this last weekend I realized, things are a bit different here. Well, I guess I knew it, but I was reminded. When you have a baby at the hospital here, you have to bring all your own stuff... like diapers, pads, blankets, wash clothes, body wash, etc. Jon brought a diaper with us to the delivery room. It is possible to get diapers from the pharmacy, but they cost a crazy amount.

Tomorrow my Thursday morning Bible study ladies are having a small baby shower for Jovie and two other precious newborn boys that have recently arrived. A sweet friend, Deanna, is hosting it, and I am so appreciative. There will be a baby shower to write about in Jovie's baby book after all! ;) Since Anaya had three, I think it will be nice to tell Jovie she had one, too, even though I don't need very much.

Friday morning we will get up and take Jon to South Africa to catch a bus to Johannesburg to catch his flight to the States. My friend Lauren is coming along, and we're going to spend two nights at a little missionary guest house. It will be a nice time to chill and pass a little of my "without Jon" time. I'm pretty excited for a girlie vacation. When we get back, I will try and keep my days busy with projects and friends, and time at the hospital. Hopefully the 11 days will pass quickly, and then it will be a 2 week count down to my Mama's arrival! Then it'll be a short wait for Jovie's arrival. Crazy!

So I've been in a bit of a funk. I think many things are contributing...

Like the fact that it is hot again, when I thought winter had arrived. I planned this baby to be delivered in the winter, but here I am, using my air conditioner every night and nap and having hot flashes on a regular basis.

I've been in a Bible reading stage, where I am reading, but not finding lots to apply. Sorry if that sounds awful, but I've been a Christian long enough to come in and out of stages like this, and I know it is just for a time. I've been asking the Lord to give me a hunger and desire for His Word so that I'll read more, but in this tired Mommy stage, honestly, it not always the first thing I want to do with my down time. I have been feeling a bit spiritually disconnected. 

Or my tiredness, headaches, indigestion and overall "not myself" feeling. I know, I am 33 weeks pregnant with a gigantic belly and a 1 year old to chase, so it is to be expected, but it doesn't feel like the usual me. Did I mention the gigantic belly? Yeah, it is hard for me to feel beautiful or sexy for my husband when I can hardly roll out of bed to pee 5 million times a night and need pillows to prop me up for the lovely barf feeling. (This is the negative side of pregnancy, yet honest... there are many positives too, maybe for another post.)

Along with my tiredness comes a difficulty in desiring to go visit my friends at the hospital. I enjoy them when I go; however, getting over my afternoon lull enough to get the car to fight crazy Maputo traffic is proving harder and harder. I hate feeling a bit disconnected there.

Plus there is the fact that my husband is going the States next week without me. For 11 days. His youngest brother is getting married, and I understand he needs to be there; I would not miss my sisters' weddings. In my mind I understand and support him. Emotionally I lean towards the crazy 8 month pregnant lady, exhausted, who has only been without her husband for 2 days at a time in the near 4 years we've been married. Wish I could muster up some excitement for him, but so far my selfishness has won out. Boo!

I could list more contributing factors, because there are more, but you get the picture. There are many little things that are just all on top of one another and I've just been left feeling, as stated a couple of times above, disconnected.

Last night, after a day of being sick with a tummy bug and laying in bed half the day, I found myself not tired or ready for sleep. I decided I needed some soul therapy, so I told my hubby I was going to take a bath and listen to my Ipod. Worship music + good smelling scents + hot water = Ahhhhh. As in almost every funk, I turned on a Selah album and let the hymns minister the truth of God's character, His presence, and His faithfulness to me. I cried a bit (what's new?) and then soulishly felt a bit refreshed.

I am still tired and hot, and like it or not, my hubby is still leaving, but I am trying to "turn my eyes upon Jesus and look full in His wonderful face", so that maybe the other things will grow strangely dim.