Adventures with Napping
Let's be honest, parenting is just a big trial and error project as we have this huge job of figuring out our completely one-of-a-kind little kiddos, and trying to raise them to the best of our ability.
This week as we transitioned into a more structured schedule, Anaya found her lungs and her ability to protest. The first couple of days she was still oblivious to this power she held, and went down so nicely for her naps, making little to no noise, and I smiled thinking I had this little angel baby. Then suddenly, with no warning for this Mama, she unleashed the beast. ;)
I quickly referenced the books, and tried various techniques, wanting to ensure I did not create a vicious cycle of Mommy coming in every 5 minutes for 30 minutes every nap time. I really want her to develop the skill of self-soothing and to be secure by herself in her own bed; I feel like that is most healthy. I also need that nap time to get things accomplished around the house, so it doesn't work if I am bound to re-entering the room over and over and over.
I tried the whole 'Baby Wise' letting them cry it out theory... yeah that didn't work for us. I am sure it was less than10 minutes that I waited, but it felt like torturous ages, and when I went in to find my inconsolable sweaty baby girl, guilt washed all over me. Error. I picked her up and tried to calm her to no avail. Finally, after much holding, singing, snuggling, I put her in the sling and gave her a pacifier and she calmed.
Then I tried a modified Baby Whisperer 'pick up/put down' theory. I would listen and try to interpret her cry, and when it turned from a whine to an all out cry, I went in, picked her up until she calmed and her eyes were no longer wide open; then I laid her back down. This worked pretty well, and though I did have to go in more than once, I was hoping for improvement with time. The only problem was, I felt like little Anaya knew Mommy would come if she cried hard enough, so began getting progressively worse instead of better. We went from having 2 rough naps a day to every nap being a struggle. UGH! The second she saw me coming to comfort her, the crying went to a new level of drama. (Seriously? Is she only 19 days old?)
Where I am at now is that I let her cry for about 5 minutes, and then go in and comfort her. She doesn't get quite to the inconsolable stage and sometimes she finds her little fingers and comforts herself, not needing Mommy at all. I did try a pacifier, but she spits it out after 5 or so minutes and obviously cannot put it back in herself, so screams again. Going in to replace the pacifier defeats my reasoning for doing this schedule in the first place, so we're not going to do that. We've had a handful of successful naps over the past two days, giving me hope for the weeks to come. We shall see!
As for Mommy, they have been long days. Since newborns nap about 5 times a day (not including nighttime), if every nap is a struggle, let's say, "No fun!" I think I've cried at least once a day as well. I usually end up laughing at the ridiculousness, but my hormones are whack anyway, and a screaming newborn that I love dearly and hate to see unhappy for one second... yeah, not easy!
Here's to the adventure of learning my precious girl! I love her so much!
March 13, 2011 at 4:35 PM
Aww Layne, I feel your pain. Sienna never did develop a self soothing pattern. She only wanted to nurse or have a bottle. She naps well now twice a day but in the early stages she napped mostly in a swing or with me. I admire all your efforts to follow certain techniques but you are right. It is so trial and error. We found we broke more rules than we kept and you know you figure it out as you go. She is still a really confident independent child so don't let it worry you too much. And I know how the sleep deprevation gets to you. I had a bout with ppd after we had brought her home from the nicu. There is just so much to figure out and those cries are heart breaking. Hang in there you are doing a great job;) Anaya is blessed with amazing parents. Once you get to 3 months it gets so much more fun:)
March 13, 2011 at 7:10 PM
Layne, it's okay to snuggle and rock Anaya to sleep, especially at such a young age. When we let our first one cry himself to sleep - he was about 3 months old - I remember it felt like an eternity to both Joe and I, we found ourselves holding each other back from going in to get him. In the end it had been a whopping 10-15 minutes! You WILL get in your stride and find what works for you. I really do think they come with manuals but the nurses say something like "oh, this will make parenting too easy" and they throw them away, really, they do ;D Obadiah was colicky the first 3 months - there were times I was at my wits end, Joe would arrive home and send me on my way for a break, I'd come home to Joe carrying him in the Snugglie (our front pack - a God send for each of my 5 kiddos) baking cookies or vaccuming the floor!
You can do this (can you see me jumping up and down waving pompoms in the air???) yes you can!!! You can do this mom and dad!!! Go-oooo Layne!!! Go-oooo Jon!!! (Go-oooo easy on them Anaya - they are new to all of this!!!)
March 14, 2011 at 8:05 PM
Oh Laynee poo,
Welcome to mommyhood! :) It's the hardest most rewarding best job ever. Seriously! Since I have two completely different kids and they both sleep great, I think, I would just really go easy right now on you and Anaya. You need sanity. She needs comfort and everything will fall into place as you go. Gauge needed the holding and loving. He is my sensitive little fellow! (Now someone just told me that's a character trait of the first born which makes sense!) Because Teagan did not want to be held or rocked and just wanted to be laid down! (Sounds like what you and me were for mom! I was rocked you hated to be held! ha!) Just don't stress yourself out too much here in the beginning. I would just enjoy her and love her and hold her and wait until about 4-6 months and then see what she is like. Everyone always says enjoy it because it doesn't last long. THEY WERE FO REAL! It doesn't and then they get too big that they don't sleep in your arms and you miss the times they did. Hang in there. Give yourself a little slack and just do whatever it take to have a happy home right now. Trust me. You won't ruin her yet! Look at me! I can still change mine and they are 3 and 2! Love you!
March 14, 2011 at 10:35 PM
How did I survive the first 3 months FIVE TIMES?
(How did they????)
March 15, 2011 at 4:57 AM
Oh the whole sleep thing is soooo hard. I remember fretting so much about schedules with my first too. It was agonizing. I would blow bubbles to distract myself. With my 2nd and 3rd, I realized that I really couldn't 'ruin them' for a schedule in those first few weeks and we just went with what worked and didn't worry about a 'schedule' until they were 3 months old.
I tried Babywise too and it only frustrated me. It sounds like the Babywhisperer is similar to my favorite, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I liked that because it taught me to watch for my child's sleep cues and put them down when they were tired. We slipped into a schedule so much easier when I didn't fight my kids and try to force them into doing a schedule my way (or according to how Babywise said every child should).
You are so right that each child is unique. That is most certainly true and why your role is so vitally important! Books and the advice of others can only go so far.
I'm so thankful for grace. I'll be praying that your mommy intuition will become honed as you and Anaya figure each other out. You will survive and you will know that little girl better than anyone else (on earth) can.