Going-Ons in My Heart
I started Angela Thomas's Bible Study Brave toward the end of January. It has been good. Short homework with good truths. This week was on discipline. I joked with the ladies in my study that they may want to work out once or twice before starting the week, just to feel OK about pushing through.
Here's the deal. I have a hard time being super consistent with studying the Word. Since having babies and being pregnant I just feel tired a lot, and rarely feel like running to grab something to study when I do get a quiet moment. Usually I want quite the opposite - mindless activity. Mind you, the Lord has been incredibly gracious to me during this season and teaches me and whispers to me throughout the chaos and the beauty of motherhood.
Still I found myself jotting down my list of areas in need of discipline and studying the Word easily went to the top of my list of needs. Angela reminds us during this week that our battle against being undisciplined is spiritual, not a matter of will. She uses the verses in Romans 8:26-27 that talks about the Spirit interceding for the saints according to the will of God. I found comfort in turning this area over to the Spirit and asking Him to grow this desire within me and not trying to conjure up a particular routine to follow and fail at.
My Mom brought me a couple of devotionals when she came. I am pretty behind on the swing, but on Monday I started Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts devotional. I wanted to. It called to me. Wouldn't you know, it is shaking me up. Because I found such joy in my new habit of expressing thankfulness, I felt prompted to share with a few ladies I am close to at the hospital. I do believe that there is freedom in thankfulness, and as Ann suggest perhaps that is where we find peace. I want that for those ladies at the hospital. I want that for me. After talking with them and seeing their interest, I went out and bought 3 of the ladies journals and pens and then came home and made them as fancy and beautiful as I could. I took them back, and they too are starting a list of thankfulness.
Some things from my list:
A husband who works hard with his hands
Listening to Jovie's babbling in the early morning
Listening to Anaya as she makes up stories
Hot coffee and rusks
My husband's heart for adoption
I could go on and on. Things I'd become numb to. Things of daily life that are worthy of giving thanks to God, the giver of all things good. And do you know what? I am finding joy there. Anaya was telling me about some flowers she saw today, and I asked her if she thought we should thank Jesus for those and how good they smell. I prayed out loud right then. I want to raise children of thanks, who know Who gives good gifts. Everyday.
And so, since Monday, I believe the Spirit of God has been stirring up a hunger inside. A hunger for knowing Him - right now found in gratefulness.
