The Ministry of... Breastfeeding and Diaper Changing?
Maybe the fact that I am a missionary has a little something to do with it, but I would guess most Mommies actively involved in a Christian community can relate to my experience of post-baby ministry transition .
I went from going to the hospital and visiting 5 days a week, to not at all, and now slowly getting back to 1-2 days a week. I was at the hospital visiting with my friends the very day before I went into labor; it was what I did... almost a part of who I was. I was not ignorant of the changes that were coming, and I had made up in my mind and heart that Anaya, and my children to follow, will be my #1 ministry; however, if I am honest, I have still have had a mourning of those things I used to be able to do.
Even my days back at the hospital have changed. This is not all in negative ways, in fact, little Anaya brings so many smiles and joy each and every person she encounters; I have an automatic conversation starter. I love it! The difference for me now is that I cannot jump up onto the bed and hold the lady struggling to sit, the one near death. I cannot sit with the same lady for hours just holding her hand. Now I have Anaya strapped to the front me, many times wanting me to move around. Jon can take her when need be, and we will strike a balance in the times ahead, but I do yearn to do certain things that, for now, I cannot.
I chose this though, and I do not regret my decision in the least. For now I am just learning... transitioning. My #1 ministry is Anaya. Okay. But what should that look like on a day to day basis? She is a newborn! She cannot understand what I am saying or teaching her. Giving her food, bathing her, changing poopy diapers? Sure doesn't feel like ministry sometimes. In fact, sometimes I feel lazy, not making it out of my nursing tank top and exercise shorts. I do pray over her; her health, her future, wisdom for Jon and I as parents, etc. We sing worship songs to her. We ask the holy Spirit to dwell in her and for the Lord to save her soul. All this is good and well, but the fact of the matter is that most of the day is spent just caring for her physical needs. And you know what? It is good.
I have to remind myself that the Lord is pleased with me caring for my child, my husband, and my home. It is a ministry of breastfeeding and diaper changing.
April 21, 2011 at 10:53 AM
Let me just tell you.....from one Missionary Mommy to another, this is the hardest part of it all. I struggle off an on wondering if I am making any impact at all and then the Lord shows me both ends of the stick.....that I am both....a mommy and a missionary and the impact of both of those is so great! I was telling your sister yesterday that even now slowly the Lord is transitioning me back to some of those things I had to let go of when my kiddos were babies. That baby season goes by so fast Layne....hold tight to those precious moments. Laying in bed with Piper last night I was hit hard with the fact that she's a little girl now. She and I no longer fit together in our chair like we used to, but we can snuggle in the bed now! Each season brings with it new joys!
April 21, 2011 at 10:56 AM
Yes, every one of us mama's who have been involved in ministry and long to be have to deal with these same thoughts and feelings and weird transition periods. One of the best things a wise woman shared with me while I was keeping the boys during one of stephen's great missions trips was this: there is a story in the old Testament where some of king David's people left camp to go into battle and defeat a foe. But, some men had to stay behind to keep the camp, protect their belongings, keep fires going, etc, so the army would have something protected to come back to. When the soldiers returned with all the plunder, they didn't want to share with those who stayed behind because they felt that they had done all the work. But King David said something to the effect of "indeed not. For if they had not kept the camp, we could not have done what was needed. THey shall receive equal reward of those who went to the frontlines of battle." I don't know exactly where this story is (though I have found it and read it since then), and when she shared this with me, I burst into tears. I KNOW the enemy tries to convince us mama's that the jobs we do, the mundane days of serving our children, is "less" of ministry. We know in our heads that can't or shouldn't be so, but in our hearts it can often feel like that. But in truth, in a Kingdom where Love is the currency and is the greatest form of ministry, it makes perfect sense that all the diaper changes of your own child is just as valuable as changing gauze pads for a dying woman in the hospital. It is all just different roles; some more notable than others, but both of equal measure of importance to the Lord who sees the hearts that we serve with. I am on the same journey as you, and when I put myself in my boy's shoes, all of a sudden I see how truly great serving them must be to the Lord; it is great to them. Love always matters to someone, but religion wants to categorize the "worthiness" of a cause by how despairing it may appear. The truth is, Love is love. And love is always ministry. Anyways, these are a couple things I've been learning in this same journey as you, juggling motherhood and ministry. :) Keep blogging. I love reading your stuff.
April 21, 2011 at 11:55 AM
Amen to both of those wonderful comments from a missionary Mom of 4, one of whom is leaving the nest this year. It goes by SO fast. I'm so proud of you, Layne, and the mom and missionary you are.
April 21, 2011 at 12:50 PM
I agree w/ the other mommies...Jesus loves the little children and when you are training them up to love Him and to follow Him...well enough said!! It is a season you can go w/ Anaya strapped on front of you, her bringing smiles to those suffering women and children. I am thankful I got to witness such a blessing:)
April 21, 2011 at 2:31 PM
I have had the same feeling. Just the major identity change you have. I had a great reminder from a friend the other day. We aren't what we do, we are so much more. Your daily routine doesn't make who you are or are not. You are doing great. Just know there are a lot of us who understand just how you feel! It does get a little better when they start interacting with you too. xo