My Life as an African Gypsy

Let's be honest, parenting is just a big trial and error project as we have this huge job of figuring out our completely one-of-a-kind little kiddos, and trying to raise them to the best of our ability.

This week as we transitioned into a more structured schedule, Anaya found her lungs and her ability to protest. The first couple of days she was still oblivious to this power she held, and went down so nicely for her naps, making little to no noise, and I smiled thinking I had this little angel baby. Then suddenly, with no warning for this Mama, she unleashed the beast. ;)

I quickly referenced the books, and tried various techniques, wanting to ensure I did not create a vicious cycle of Mommy coming in every 5 minutes for 30 minutes every nap time. I really want her to develop the skill of self-soothing and to be secure by herself in her own bed; I feel like that is most healthy. I also need that nap time to get things accomplished around the house, so it doesn't work if I am bound to re-entering the room over and over and over.

I tried the whole 'Baby Wise' letting them cry it out theory... yeah that didn't work for us. I am sure it was less than10 minutes that I waited, but it felt like torturous ages, and when I went in to find my inconsolable sweaty baby girl, guilt washed all over me. Error. I picked her up and tried to calm her to no avail. Finally, after much holding, singing, snuggling, I put her in the sling and gave her a pacifier and she calmed.

Then I tried a modified Baby Whisperer 'pick up/put down' theory. I would listen and try to interpret her cry, and when it turned from a whine to an all out cry, I went in, picked her up until she calmed and her eyes were no longer wide open; then I laid her back down. This worked pretty well, and though I did have to go in more than once, I was hoping for improvement with time. The only problem was, I felt like little Anaya knew Mommy would come if she cried hard enough, so began getting progressively worse instead of better. We went from having 2 rough naps a day to every nap being a struggle. UGH! The second she saw me coming to comfort her, the crying went to a new level of drama. (Seriously? Is she only 19 days old?)

Where I am at now is that I let her cry for about 5 minutes, and then go in and comfort her. She doesn't get quite to the inconsolable stage and sometimes she finds her little fingers and comforts herself, not needing Mommy at all. I did try a pacifier, but she spits it out after 5 or so minutes and obviously cannot put it back in herself, so screams again. Going in to replace the pacifier defeats my reasoning for doing this schedule in the first place, so we're not going to do that. We've had a handful of successful naps over the past two days, giving me hope for the weeks to come. We shall see!

As for Mommy, they have been long days. Since newborns nap about 5 times a day (not including nighttime), if every nap is a struggle, let's say, "No fun!" I think I've cried at least once a day as well. I usually end up laughing at the ridiculousness, but my hormones are whack anyway, and a screaming newborn that I love dearly and hate to see unhappy for one second... yeah, not easy!

Here's to the adventure of learning my precious girl! I love her so much!

Well Anaya is now 2 weeks old, and Mommy feels like we've been doing this for ages, both in good and bad ways.

I am just about back to normal, with most of the soreness having subsided, and the lovely hemorrhoids gone. (TMI, I know, but someone has got to be honest! That is some hard pushing to get a baby out of there!) Breast-feeding is no longer painful, and the cramping from my uterus shrinking back to size has stopped. Hallelujah.

I spent the majority of the first 5 days in bed, taking slow little trips to the toilet or kitchen. I breastfed in bed and Anaya stayed by my side in her bassinet. I had heard the first two weeks should be at the baby's disposal, so Anaya got whatever Anaya wanted. I don't regret this time, though it didn't last a full two weeks.

About 9 days in I realized we needed to started putting some effort towards a flexible schedule. Anaya was not taking full feedings, falling asleep at the breast, sucking for comfort, and taking multiple cat naps, which meant this Mama was getting tired. I blasted through reading 'Baby Wise' and 'Baby Whisperer' and came to the conclusion that we needed to focus on full feedings and order of activity. Anaya needed to sleep, eat, and then stay awake, whereas she was currently sleeping, having some awake time, and then eating, only to fall asleep at the breast.

To make napping easier, I decided she needed to nap in her own room. She did great, but when it came to nighttime, we had a little meltdown. I concluded it was too many changes too fast, so we are continuing to let her sleep in our room for the nights. Feedings are going MUCH better. I make more a concerted effort to keep her up, and with her more structured/longer naps, she seems to be a bit hungrier. She is not a 30 minute eater. I tried, since I wanted to be sure she was getting enough milk, but even awake, she stops when she is done and refuses the nipple. I consider it a blessing that she won't suck, just to suck.

Our late afternoon naps have been a little difficult. Yesterday I let her get too tired, and didn't comfort her soon enough in her crib, so she got beside herself. It was awful for both of us. We finally found peace in the sling with a pacifier, which she had never taken before. What I learned is that I need to go in and comfort her a littler sooner, so she doesn't get to the place of no return.

This morning was our shot to try it out. She woke up crying after a few minutes. I went in and after some cuddling, patting, and shhhh-ing (taking 5 minutes or so), I laid Anaya in her bed, still awake, but this time she had calmed completely down and eyes were tired again, and she fell asleep. I feel like it was a small success. 1 nap at a time! Haha!

So this is my current life. Anaya has become my #1 ministry and all attentions are on her. If I do a good job now, my hope is that our lives together will be structured enough to re-incorporate hospital ministry soon.

(Preggo pictures are a day before she was born at 39wks 5days)

I had my doctor appointment at 9:00am, which is when the doctor checked me and placed the cervix softener. I was about three centimeters at the time, not much more than two weeks before. Her ultrasound estimated her at 9.6 pounds +/- 1 pound. I was previously under the impression that I would have her that day; however, I was warned at that appointment that it could take up to three days! I nearly cried right there, as I had felt mentally prepared to start labor that day.

A little let down, we went to grab coffee and a bagel to distract ourselves from analyzing every little feeling and twinge. Afterwards, we went home and I wanted to take it easy in case anything happened and I needed the strength for labor. Gymnastics was on TV, one of my favorites, so I lay down to watch. At 11:40 I sat up to check my email, and my water broke. It took me by complete surprise. I didn’t want to get too excited, in case I was mistaken, so I decided to lay down a bit more. (Now what I believe happened: http://www.babyzone.com/askanexpert/labor-bag-of-water)

Contractions started about 30-40 minutes later. They were not intense and only 30 or so seconds long, so I figured it was a good time to jump in the shower and blow dry my hair. To be honest, I knew lots of pictures were coming, so I wanted to give myself a shot at looking half decent. ;) Contractions gradually got stronger over the next few hours. We labored at home until about 3:45, when we realized they were lasting 1 minute, every 2 minutes, and we should go ahead and get to the hospital.

My doctor wasn’t there, but they called her immediately, and the nurse took me to measure Anaya’s heartbeat. After lying on my side, to my disappointment, I felt has if the contractions slowed a bit. Thankfully, however, they picked back up again shortly after walking around. When the nurse checked me, I was still only 3cm, and I was frustrated. Though labor hadn’t been difficult up until this point, it had been hours, so I was hoping for some progress.

We got into our room, and I kept walking, squatting, sitting on the ball etc. in order to encourage progress. Jon had forgotten his computer, and realizing my progression was slower than we thought, we figured we may want to watch/listen to a movie to help pass the hours ahead. We agreed I was handling the contractions okay on my own, so it was probably the best time for him to run home, which is only 5-10 minutes from the hospital.

I continued my little exercises and tried to stay relaxed through the contractions. Maybe 15 minutes after Jon had left, I was on my knees, draped over my exercise ball, when my water broke ‘for real’ and pain immediately intensified (see the link above about water breaking). Without ‘call’ buttons for nurses, I quickly went to the restroom and tried to clean myself up to go get a nurse. I was not yet in a hospital gown, and now my dress was wet. I waddled in pain to the hallway to holler at the nurse, who came quickly. She wanted to monitor Anaya’s heartbeat again to make sure all was okay.

As I wondered in my head how I would lay on my side long enough to let her do that, my doctor arrived. She wanted to check me, so without thinking I could, I laid on my back and she checked me. I was 5cm. She said on the next contraction she could stretch me a bit, which would be uncomfortable, but I was all for shortening the process. A contraction and some help from the doctor later and I was 7cm. I felt like I wanted to go to the toilet, so I did and my doctor came along. It was then that she told me, “If your husband doesn’t get back soon, he’s going to miss the whole thing.” I panicked. I didn’t even have enough phone credit to call him and tell him to hurry.

Thankfully, it was only minutes later that Jon arrived. He was obviously shocked by the chaos of everything happening. I had the strong urge to poo, and the doctor said it was probably the head coming down, so she needed to check me again. At this point I was on my hands and knees on the bed and unsure if I could turn over. My doctor assessed the situation, trying to appease me, but needed me on my back. I was 8cm. The next contraction she stretched me to a 9.

It was time to head to the delivery room, one floor below. Thinking my doctor was crazy, I asked her if she wanted me to walk. Yes. She thought it would help the baby come down some more, and the elevator was close. Just wanting to get the baby out, I mustered the strength to get in the elevator, and tried not to worry about the people around.

Walking into the delivery room, I realized nothing was prepared for me. The air conditioners were off and nothing was on the bed. I was angry. My first comment was, “It is SO hot in here!” My fabulous husband made sure the air got turned on right away. I was not in the position to stand and wait for the bed, so I dropped to my hands and knees right there on the tile floor. I am pretty sure I was sporadically yelling out in pain and telling my doctor I had to poo. Everything felt barbaric. The doctor got on the floor with me and asked me which birthing position I had chosen, as she knew I was unsure about laying on my back. I whined that I didn’t know, feeling very out of control. Calmly she asked if I was picking it then, on my hands and knees, which she didn’t mind, but it would be easier for her if I could make it up on the bed.

I decided to get on my back/sit up on the table. There was lots of hustle and bustle around, with the doctor, nurse and pediatrician getting everything ready for Anaya’s arrival. I was ready to push, so we got started right away. I tried no noise/ grunting, but usually ended in a full out yell. My doctor would stop me sometimes and tell me I was out of control and needed to refocus. This was a big help. I wasn’t having regular contractions, so rest times were frequently still with the pain of a contraction. Once, I remember wanting to cry, feeling completely incapable of the task at hand and wondering what they would do if I couldn’t do it.

I pushed for about 30 minutes in total. After some time, the doctor concluded that Anaya had been in the birth canal too long. While initially we had not wanted an episiotomy, and the doctor agreed, it was time for some intervention, and I was not tearing naturally. She gave me local anesthesia, telling me it was just in case she needed to cut a little, but made eye contact with my husband and offered a few hushed words to let him know she intended to a cut lot. I am glad I didn’t know. Sure enough, she cut a few minutes later, but mixed with the pain and chaos, I didn’t care. I believe the doctor could see Anaya’s head, she just wasn’t coming out.

It was at this point that the nurse got up on top of me and started pushing downward right under my rib cage with her full body weight, attempting to help push simultaneously with me to get the baby out, a technique I had heard of, but one that took Jon by surprise. After a couple tries, the doctor made eye contact with me and told me the next push had to be it and not to stop pushing. In fear for Anaya’s safety, I pushed as long and hard as I could, hardly catching my breath in between. She didn’t come out, and I had to breathe/take a break. I was becoming more and more concerned. The doctor switched places with the nurse, got on top of me and started pushing with all her body weight. It was a little surreal, as Jon was encouraging me in one ear, my doctor was jumping on top of me, and I was in the worst pain of my life, screaming the most barbaric noises that had ever come out of my mouth. It was almost an out-of-body experience, as I took it all in, feeling as though it could not be me this was happening to.

Within 1 minute, the doctor switched with the nurse again, and the head emerged. I thought I’d have a better sensation or awareness of this, but I didn’t; I had no clue, just pain and burning. Suddenly my doctor was telling everyone to just stop; stop pushing, stop mashing my tummy, everything. The rest of Anaya’s body emerged, and the doctor removed the cord, which had been wrapped around her neck.

They immediately put her on my tummy. She was lifeless and blue, and I, full of concern, asked the doctor if she was okay. Her response: “More or less.” That wasn’t the most reassuring, but Jon quickly cut the umbilical cord and they whisked Anaya off to receive oxygen and suction. Soon she made her first cry, putting my mind a little more at ease.

The delivery of the placenta and the sutures were painful and accompanied my some more painful wails as we discovered how far down or up the local anesthesia had reached by placing one stitch where none had spread. It seemed to take forever. I had no baby to see, hold or try to breastfeed, and she needed to remain on oxygen on the other side of the room. I was cold and shaking. The pain is still vivid and uncomfortable to re-live.

Once it was done, Jon pushed the nurses to allow me to try and breastfeed before we went to the room. Anaya had been rooting and looking for the breast, so we wanted to take advantage of it. Sure enough, when she got to me, she latched right away. We let her stay for a few minutes, and they took her back to the oxygen. Once they got me into my wheel-chair, which was terribly painful, due to the new stitches, I was finally handed my baby to cuddle and carry upstairs. This was the best moment of it all.

Once we got to our room I didn’t want to give her up, but I was incredibly nauseas and needed a bucket for vomiting. I hollered for Jon, who was in the hallway, and he took her, while I dry-heaved into a bucket. I felt so weak and tired. They got me in bed and gave Anaya back. I felt a bit traumatized, but in love. Anaya was perfect and healthy, breastfeeding excellently.

I'll be 39wks on Wednesday.

Honestly, I think I've reverted. Week 37 I was so ready to have my baby girl. I was doing all sorts of natural labor inducers, hoping for an early arrival. I felt so tired, needed to sleep a lot, had horrendous indigestion, which led to vomiting on a near nightly basis... yeah, I was done. This past week, however, has been fantastic. We've spent a lot of time with friends, going to the beach, pool, eating yummy food, and watching movies, my ladies' Bible study started up. I am really enjoying being kid-less.

I am trying not to feel guilty; I know the second I hold my little girl, I'll be in love, but for now I'm living it up. People keep saying things like, "Still no baby?" For one, it isn't her due date, so it's not too surprising that she's not here yet. Secondly, I am super content at the moment, so nope she's not here yet! Thirdly, look at me. Do you think I've had my baby? People are funny.

Anyways, my doctor really would like to induce tomorrow morning, but I've decided to give her 'till her due date to come on her own, which is one more week... unless we have another poor heart scan. I will ask to have my membranes swept, which may semi-naturally help. If she doesn't come by the 22nd, I think I'll be inducing, first using a cervix softener/dilator before any intravenous drugs. I feel at peace about that decision.

I can tell she's grown over the last week. My belly button has changed some more, as have her movements and how much I can feel her little body parts. I sure will be interested to see how much she ends up weighing. I know the ultrasound estimates are not completely accurate, but that means it can also be more than they are estimating. Eeek! I'm praying the other way. ;)

Pray with me for her arrival.

We also have a cyclone that is currently hitting Madagascar, and aimed to hit Mozambique next. With the warm waters between, it is possible for the storm to pick up speed again on its way here. Remember our house flooding problems? Yeah, we're trying to be better prepared, but I'd rather not deal with that the week of her arrival, so we're praying that won't be the case. Also, our Land Cruiser is currently parked at customs awaiting importation, so we only own our a little car. If we had considerable amounts of rain, getting to the hospital could be difficult. Sooooo... I'm trusting the Lord, but pray with us, and pray for peace of mind.

We'll keep you updated!

(Update: Storm already looks to be taking a better path! Praise the Lord. Now we'll wait and see!)

We are approaching February and the birth of my first little girl. So exciting! I cannot wait to hold and cuddle her.

Yesterday at our appointment we monitored Anaya's heartbeat. During the 3 minute check, Anaya's heartbeat dropped alarmingly low. My doctor ordered that I go to Labor and Delivery and be monitored for 20 minutes. It was my 1st appointment without my hubby, since he's been at a sports training all week. I felt pretty in control, as I called him to give a quick update. He decided to drive up and come sit with me. When I saw him, a few tears escaped. I was nervous.

During the 20 minute monitoring session, Anaya's heartbeat remained a little high. This could have been from my nerves, or in a response to her heartbeat getting so low. Either way, it was a relief that it didn't drop again. It did look as though I could have been having small contractions, which is normal at this point as my uterus prepares for what's ahead. I have not dilated at all, and this is a good thing for now.

After chatting with the doctor, we decided maybe her heartbeat dropped because the nurse had me on my back during the 3 minute session. Not flat on my back, but my back nonetheless, which is a bit of a no, no. I should have been on my side.

In order to be cautious, I am monitoring her movements, and we'll go in tomorrow for another scan. My doctor will come in and have a look at the chart once we are done. I have a peace about it, as she is moving as much as ever!

Other than that little scare, everything is good. I am more and more uncomfortable, but I am 9 months pregnant, so it is to be expected. Jon and I are intentionally trying to enjoy our alone time, sleeping in some, napping some, and going on some dates.

Hard to believe the changes that our about to happen for our little family. We are ready!

Even in the dark moments, it is possible to glimpse the hand of God.

Some of you may recall a recent post on my facebook about a thirteen year old girl, who we were unsure if she would make it through the night. She did. Lucia's health still hangs in the balance, but she is holding on. Since then, the father, Longo, has been trying to arrange a way to get her home, even if it is only for her last few days. "Home" for her is in the far North of Mozambique, which is some 20 or more hours driving. She is anxious and determined to see her sisters and family, as she has been away for months, suffering without them.

We had hope over the past two days that she and her father would be able to take a plane; however, yesterday we were faced with the crushing news that she did not have her ID and would not be permitted on the airplane. It would take a week or so for her ID to arrive... a week we are not sure she has.

Still determined, they decided they would go by bus. We said our prayers over her, whispered our goodbyes, gave our kisses, and wiped our tears, all the while not sure how she would sit for so long on public transport.

A phone came in at 6 this morning from her father. The bus driver would not allow them on the bus. When they boarded her discomfort was so great she began to cry, and understandably, the driver made the decision she could not make the long ride. I can imagine their fear she would die with all the passengers on board.

We laid in bed a bit, sad over the news, though I had to think that perhaps the Lord knew how awful the trip would be and in His mercy had shut the door.

We called our friend and dedicated partner, who quickly began contacting connections here in Maputo. Thankfully, miraculously, an ID was able to arranged quickly. If you lived here, you would only be able to marvel at the hand of Lord, as this simply does not happen.

They should be leaving this afternoon or early in the morning. Please pray for them as they will have a couple hour flight, and then still a 10 hour train ride. After arriving home, we can hardly imagine much time left on this earth... not being in a hospital will be more difficult and pain medication will not be readily available, though she will have the opportunity to be surrounded by the ones she loves.

I can see the Lord's love for her already and pray his mercy and grace over the next few days.

I sit in this strange place in my life... actually it is normally in a hard metal chair.

I have intentionally surrounded myself with death. Jon and I have felt the Lord's call and direction to sit by the lonely and the dying in their moments of suffering, usually their last moments on this earth. While we would love to see healing and miraculous signs, we have heard the small voice of the Holy Spirit telling us our ministry is ushering the dying into His presence.

And yet in those exact moments, those moments of death, I have this life growing in my tummy... this miraculous little girl. As I sit next to the dying and cry over their pain, nearly overcome with hopelessness, Anaya is in my tummy, moving and squirming and reminding me of life and miracles.

It is strange and beautifully twisted.