My Life as an African Gypsy

The Lord has been gracious to be during this waiting period, giving me an abundance of patience, and for the most part I have been at peace, enjoying the extra days in Namibia. We have had beautiful places to stay with the sweetest of families. Their hospitality has been such an encouragement to me. For those of you who are good at hospitality, know that it is a gift of the Spirit and a tool to be used!

I feel like the Lord has been speaking to me over the past week. Quietly. Stirring my heart and leaning me in certain directions. If you would pray with me for discernment in hearing His voice and for confirmation for the things I hear.

The next few months are very important for Jon and I and will determine much of our future plans. Our hearts want to be open to any which directions He leads us. All I know is that I need to be sure about any and everything, and I trust the Lord for that.

I do know God wants Jon and I right here, right now... and that is a good feeling.

As for now, I miss regular communication and the voices of my family. I am thankful for a wonderful, listening, compassionate husband to cling to. He is surely a gift from above!

Next update will hopefully be from Angola!

Driving into Windhoek I started looking up food places on our handy dandy GPS. Let us take a moment to marvel at wondrous technology… Alright we are back. One place in particular caught my eye: Sugar and Spice Pancake Parlour.

I was immediately was obsessed.

“Jon! We must go!”
“If I had a breakfast spot, I would name it just that!”
“How cute!”
“I love sugar! And I love spice!”

Sure enough, my dear hubby allowed me to indulge myself. This morning we plugged it into the GPS, and off we went! We found it, but guess what? The name had changed! What a shame.

We stayed anyway, and thankfully I believe the menu had remained the same. I got sugar and cinnamon pancakes and Jon got white chocolate and toasted nuts pancakes. Decadent, eh? I know you’re drooling. Turns out pancakes are more what we would call crepes, but good nonetheless.

As we sat at the table I took it all in, the garden, the nice tables, the pretty pancakes dusted with powdered sugar… I knew it would be the last for awhile. And it is okay.

Off we go into Angola, the land where ice cream can cost over $50. ;) Bring it on!

I am sitting here full, full of thankfulness to the Lord.

In light of this, I thought I would share a list of some of the things I am thankful for. Isn't it good to to reflect and be thankful. Maybe today you can take a moment and think of things you are thankful for as well. I'd love to read some if you care to comment and share!

In no particular order and purposefully a bit random:

• Our Angolan visas! (fresh on my mind)
• A family that loves and prays for me. Truly I am humbled by their efforts.
• Supporters who have joined me in this and encourage me to keep going.
• Financial support, which allows us to focus on people, loving and serving them.
• Perfume. Sometimes it is just nice to inhale something beautiful.
• Missionary friends. Seriously, they understand me and my life situation so well.
• Bible study! Thanks Beth Moore for making your videos down-loadable!
• Skype. I can hear and see my family for free. Too cool.
  
• Places to stay/short term "homes" along this journey of ours.
• The beauty of different cultures and language. Gives me a peek into the kingdom of heaven.
• My health.
  
• God's creation. Particularly the lightning outside right now.
• Ice cream and coffee. I love this combo and have indulged myself this week. =)
• God's faithfulness to me. Wow. I could sit here for awhile...
• Prayer. Both people's prayers for us, but also for my ability to approach the God of the universe and actually ask for something. Amazing.
• For electricity and blow dryers.
• My recent experience with Emilia. It is still so close to my heart, and honestly has changed me forever. I was so honored to share in that.
• For hope. (My eyes are tearing up...) I have so much hope because of Jesus. Not just hope for the eternal, which is fabulous, but hope for people here on earth to see Jesus, to know Jesus, to be Jesus.
  
• For toe nail polish. Allows me a bit of girlish glee.
• Last but definitely not least, for my husband. For his love, his gentleness, his faithfulness, his service, his love for the Lord and His people, his heart of worship, his passionate prayers, his romantic ways, and oh how I could go on...
  

And those are just some.

Thank you, Father. I purposefully recognize that every good and perfect gift comes from above.

Lord willing we get our visas tomorrow, Jon and I will starting our journey to Angola on Saturday. This will be our second time into the country the Lord has directed us to, and I am full of a thousand emotions.

I was chatting with Jon the other day as we were in the car driving to Botswana. I told him about my thoughts about how we might be visiting the city we are finally going to settle in, the house we may call our own, the village we may devote our lives to... How exciting! I have a feeling that as we drive into the town, I am going to be a little beside myself.

Right beside this growing excitement is a bit of unsureness. Life and luxury as I know it may be quickly coming to a halt. We have been extremely blessed over the past months to live quite comfortably. Sure there have been minor adjustments, but I have still had a normal hot shower, a washing machine, a stove, etc.

Now, I am not sure what it will be like after Saturday. I may be hand-washing all of our clothes, which honestly seems the most challenging. =/ I may have to figure out a good system to wash this thick long hair of mine without very much water. I most likely will have to adjust to non-flushing toilets.

I know I can do all of this, and if you've ever chatted with me about life in Africa, I normally go on and on about how you can adjust to anything. You get a system and you're fine... it's just that whole figuring out the system and that adjustment phase.

And beside that unsureness is a little bit of dread. I vividly remember driving through Angola. The roads are potentially the worst in world. The left over pieces of asphalt make it impossible to keep any sort of regular speed. The awkward bouncing is kind of funny at first, but the it becomes a bit painful and definitely uncomfortable.

But covering all my jumbled mix of emotions is a blanket of peace. I can rest in seeing the hand of God on every step we've taken. Every place that we have been, I have been astounded by the provision of the Lord and His people. And He will do it again. That is the faithfulness of my God. He goes with me. Hallelujah.

We were sitting on the couch last night and Jon commented that I hadn't posted in a couple of days. I whined, "I can't! I don't have anything inspirational to say! All I do is play games and drink coffee right now!" While that was a little bit of an exaggeration, we laughed and he said he understood.

You see, coming off the heels of my recent experience with Emilia, nothing seems to compare.

And when it comes to the blog, I was so excited to hear that people were motivated and moved to action that I felt pressure to 'keep it up'. (as if it had anything to do with me) I was chatting with the Lord about Jon and my current state of waiting here in South Africa, and I caught myself thinking, "But Lord, they need me. Look at the responses! People want to serve! They need my stories!"

Go ahead and laugh; I'll be laughing right beside you. Don't tell me you don't have these ridiculously selfish thoughts from time to time. Thankfully though, the Holy Spirit is there to quickly put us into our place, and this is what He said to me this time:

You see my life is the Lord's, and it is up to Him to move and use me at His will.

The Lord got to me a place where I had to say that if I am never used by Him again, it is okay. If this was it, my moment, that's okay. Don't get me wrong, it would be extremely difficult, but that would be up to the Lord. My life, my days are His and His alone.

Thankfully, I believe Jon and I are just getting started and that the Lord will be gracious enough to use our lives some more. For that time I wait. Hallelujah.

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A little less selfishly... I find myself missing a certain intimacy and dependence upon the Lord that came hand in hand with pain and suffering. Maybe it is because I wasn't the one really suffering, but I kind of think that may be how God works. I've always said that I believe people who suffer know God in a way I cannot, and now it seems all the more true.

This post will sort of be like two separate posts, really close to three, so bear with me if you can. Sorry for the lack of smooth transitions! I feel like recently I have so much going on all the time it is hard to stay updated. =) I will start with the more logistical part, and then let you know a bit more of where my heart and emotions are after my recent experience. Okay? Okay.

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We have been having some car trouble. It's been a couple of weeks, but we wanted to hang on until we got to South Africa so that we could take it to a trusted mechanic. On our 7 hour drive yesterday we noticed some things, but kept truckin' along as we felt we must. We when had arrived in Pretoria just 5 km from the place we are staying we had to pull over, as the engine wouldn't idle without dying.

While this was not a good thing, I was praising the Lord we were so close! We were in Pretoria! I felt it was definitely the hand of the Lord that had gotten us that far, and that the car hadn't died much earlier in the trip.

Jon hopped out, got his handy repair manual that his brother Paul got him for Christmas, opened the hood and tinkered a bit. My initial reaction was not patience, though I tried to improve. (my Hot Tamales candies helped) After a bit, we felt like trying to get to the flat. We were fine. We even got to the grocery store last night and the Embassy this morning.









Now, our beloved Bison is at the mechanic. Looks like the carburetor and the air compressor are needing some help. We'll leave him until Friday when he'll hopefully be good as new, and ready for Angolan wilderness!

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As for me, I feel at peace with everything. I am so happy that Emilia is out of pain and finished with her suffering; she ran the race and has completed it. Hallelujah.

I no longer see her dead face every few hours. A friend of mine sent me some pictures of Emilia before she was sick, and I think they help me hold on to that face, not the one in so much agony.

The next day, going into the hospital was a bit of an experience. The smells. The empty bed. At first I felt nauseous. I had to intentionally "move on" for the moment. There were other women right then that I was there to minister to and love. I quickly asked the Lord for strength, and He gave it so generously.

I am sure I will still have my moments, but God is good and so very compassionate with me. I feel like now, through this suffering, that I love more. I love deeper. I know the Lord better. Why do people suffer? Maybe for these reasons. Maybe Emilia suffered for me. For this bigger picture. To teach me, so I can go on and be more like Jesus to others.

Sunday we went to say our 'Goodbyes'. I was able to talk with some of the women and nurses about what they had witnessed over the past two days between Emilia and me. I was able to give all the glory to God for the strength He alone provided. One nurse, who always seemed uncaring and detached, told the women I was speaking with that I had a lot of courage. I explained him it was only because of God.

My prayer is that those people, other people, will possibly love more now. Be brave and reach out. Not be afraid of intimacy. That they would be curious, and that they would turn to God... all because of Emilia's suffering.

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Sometimes people get this unrealistic idea about me, especially after a work of the Lord like the one with Emilia, so I will share with you some thoughts that are a bit embarrassing. Let's keep it real, yeah? I am just one ordinary girl, who has put herself in situations where God can show up. In moments like the one I will share, He keeps me humble.

Here it is:

The very next day after Emilia died, I squatted next to an albino woman to chat a bit and pray. Her skin was covered in small sores, flaking everywhere. Her bandages wrapped all up her legs. She had a huge protruding sore above her eye that was covered with some gauze where flies liked to land and crawl around, sometimes even making it inside. I am sure her sheets had been peed on several times. The smell of decay just lingered. Even her teeth looked as if they were rotting.

As she talked with me in fast Portuguese, my mind was elsewhere. I sat there looking at her, wondering if I could do the same thing for her that I did for Emilia. If I would be able to wrap my arms around her and press our faces close together. I really am not sure... I feel awful even saying it, but I don't know. Imagining it in my head, I felt grossed out.

I came to this conclusion, that the Holy Spirit would take over the same way He did with Emilia, and yes, He alone could equip me to do such things.

It was time to move on and I wanted to pray with her. This time I grabbed her hands, and we prayed. I had to prove to myself I was not afraid. I thanked the Lord right then and there that He was able to look down and see beauty, and then I prayed that He would help me see through His eyes.