My Life as an African Gypsy

We were sitting on the couch last night and Jon commented that I hadn't posted in a couple of days. I whined, "I can't! I don't have anything inspirational to say! All I do is play games and drink coffee right now!" While that was a little bit of an exaggeration, we laughed and he said he understood.

You see, coming off the heels of my recent experience with Emilia, nothing seems to compare.

And when it comes to the blog, I was so excited to hear that people were motivated and moved to action that I felt pressure to 'keep it up'. (as if it had anything to do with me) I was chatting with the Lord about Jon and my current state of waiting here in South Africa, and I caught myself thinking, "But Lord, they need me. Look at the responses! People want to serve! They need my stories!"

Go ahead and laugh; I'll be laughing right beside you. Don't tell me you don't have these ridiculously selfish thoughts from time to time. Thankfully though, the Holy Spirit is there to quickly put us into our place, and this is what He said to me this time:

You see my life is the Lord's, and it is up to Him to move and use me at His will.

The Lord got to me a place where I had to say that if I am never used by Him again, it is okay. If this was it, my moment, that's okay. Don't get me wrong, it would be extremely difficult, but that would be up to the Lord. My life, my days are His and His alone.

Thankfully, I believe Jon and I are just getting started and that the Lord will be gracious enough to use our lives some more. For that time I wait. Hallelujah.

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A little less selfishly... I find myself missing a certain intimacy and dependence upon the Lord that came hand in hand with pain and suffering. Maybe it is because I wasn't the one really suffering, but I kind of think that may be how God works. I've always said that I believe people who suffer know God in a way I cannot, and now it seems all the more true.